In the wellness world, the Indian Moms Association has introduced an innovative fitness trend: taunting yoga. This innovative yoga not only promises to burn calories but also guarantees to leave kids questioning their life choices.
The sessions, led by expert and experienced moms with PhDs in sarcasm, start with the iconic phrase, “Tum toh bahut bade ho gaye ho na!” This is immediately followed by other classic mom phrases, such as:
“Aag lg jaaye tumhare is phone ko!”
“Pados ke Sharma ji ko dekha hai? Unka beta toh NASA jaa raha hai!”
“Mujhe mat samjhao, mujhe sab pata hai!”
Each session of yoga is planned to mimic the struggles of a typical Indian household. Kids are roped in as unwilling participants, forced to hear dialouges like, “Zindagi mein kuch karna hai ya bas memes aur reels banate rahoge?”
For sons, there’s the fixed dialogue, “Shirt ka button kyun khula hai? Salman Khan samajhte ho apne aap ko?” And while their boys sweat it out, moms don’t spare their daughters either.
And for daughters wearing black, it’s, “Tum ye kale kapde kyun pehenti ho? Lagta hai zindagi mein sirf gham hi hai.” And for those who dare to complain about anything, moms deliver the ultimate mic drop: “Depression? Tumhe kya depression hoga, tumhare saare kaam toh main hi karti hoon!”. Advanced sessions include the silent judging pose, in which moms stare wordlessly at their kids’ life choices until they feel like apologising for simply existing.
Another classic comes during the Warrior Pose, where the mom points to her daughter in ripped jeans and says, “Bhikari bhi tumse achhe kapde pehnta hai!” The daughter, now caught in her yoga routine and the endless taunts, can only look down on embarrassment.
But wait, there’s more! Kids daring to mention pets are met with the classic, “Ek ghar mein kitne janwar rahenge? Tum ho, tumhara bhai hain, ab aur chahiye?” A dramatic sigh usually follows this as moms transition into Judgemental Tree Pose. For the chronically phone-obsessed kids, moms hit them with, “Log subah uth ke Surya ko namaskar karte hain, aur tum phone ko.“
Moms across the country are thrilled. “Ab gym ka kya zarurat hai? Bas ek chai aur taunts ka dose, aur hogaya!” exclaimed Kavita Verma, an Indian mom.
Innovative yoga is catching on internationally. Rumours suggest American moms are taking classes from Indian moms. A delegation from the UK is also keen to adopt the tradition, calling it “mental cardio.”
The session ends with the Emotional Manipulation Pose, as moms sigh dramatically and say, “Tumhe meri value abhi pata nahi chalegi, par jab main nahi rahungi, tab samjhoge.” Kids leave the class questioning their life choices, while moms leave feeling fit and victorious.
According to experts, taunting yoga works wonders. The stress induced by taunting increases heart rate, while the overwhelming guilt helps release stored energy (and tears). But kids? They’re just praying it doesn’t become a daily session. “It’s not yoga; it’s emotional warfare,” said one kid, hiding in the corner with his phone.
